What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 09:17
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I write beautiful poetry .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
How was your first cuckolding experience as a husband?
Put me off passion for life!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What is the reason for the high rate of unmarried individuals in America, particularly among males?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Republicans, why do you support Kamala Harris over Donald Trump?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Can a relationship really last forever?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
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So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What was your best experience of having your navel touched?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What exactly is female squirting? Is it only urine or a combination of liquids?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I will be 64.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ive learnt so much.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Especially a lifetime of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But, we were locked up after school.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It was going to be , some day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was scared of men, in general
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Was to survive, this bastard.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When she asked me how she looked .
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is soul school!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were not on the streets..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i do to all so called friends.?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She loved him until the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was seconnd youngest,
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But it wasn’t much.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My family never makes their pension either.
She married twice! .
I said to her
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He knew the spot.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So whats the point in blame.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why did i forgive my father ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
I was 9 years of age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Who then, do I blame.?